Pickin' My Belly Button Lent... 2009!

This title is absolute genius, in my humble opinion, which is why I'm recycling it from 2006. Following the last post on New Year's resolutions, it seems appropriate to check how those resolutions are going. Well, over halfway through Lent, I honestly forgot what those old resolutions, as my mind's been occupied with keeping my Lenten commitments. Checkin' the files... apparently I'm supposed to fast from meat for breakfast and lunch... sounds like something a woman would make me do.

Granted, for Lent I am fasting from meat completely (except Sunday's, of course, in order to celebrate the Resurrection... and in the Catholic world we begin celebrating the Resurrection around 5pm on Saturday). I also begin participating in the e5men.org bread-and-water fast on Ash Wednesday and I'm doing that every Wednesday of Lent. Well, yesterday wasn't a good day, so I decided to fast today... and right now I'm drinking "liquid bread" in the form of a Dundee Honey Brown lager, but it was a long day at work... I'll keep the fast until lunch tomorrow to compensate a bit (which the web site says is permissible, so I'm still playin' by the rules).

Anyway, if you came here expecting some brilliant commentary or insight into Lent... I think I'm about tapped dry for now. I just wanted to check in and felt like writing a quick blog post, so next year maybe I can come back here and at least recall what was on my mind. I can say this has been a relatively fruitful Lent so far. Like most people who aren't dead, I've got my set of struggles and attachments that make for a frustrating experience of life at times, and I often fall into these moods of pessimism and despair. But I have to say, while sometimes I thought Matthew Kelly's "Rediscovering Catholicism" was a bit too cheesy or pep rally-esque, he says a lot of good things and he helped me appreciate the role of discipline in life. When I start to despair, I've noticed it's always at times when I'm least disciplined. And during the times when I push myself into more discipline, I end up happier, even if my circumstances haven't changed. Ergo, my outlook on life and faith are largely a product of my daily habits.

So, here's to getting back into that early-to-bed, early-to-rise schedule...

On Resolutions for a New Year

Word is that New Year's resolutions are falling out of favor with most people these days. I know I didn't make any... though lately I'm experiencing a refreshing phase of making a number of resolutions like regular Confession, accountability with people outside of Confession, and finally reading some of these books I've had on the shelf for months and years. So maybe I wasn't in need of resolving to lose a few pounds or whatever typical thing people half-heartedly commit to every year (any wonder we've quit trying?).

A thread was recently started on my favorite online stomping grounds at PhatMass asking, "What if your resolution for 2009 was to become a saint?" In offering my own humble gift of eye-opening insight and jaw-dropping wisdom on the topic, I couldn't help but remember all my adoring fans here at The Richest Man in Assisi and want to leave you awestruck by my beautiful verbosity and provide an opportunity for you to heap upon my comment box many selfless compliments and praises. So, without further ado...

A-hem. [Throat clearing sounds].

Any true resolution -- and more importantly, actually following through with it -- brings us a little closer to sainthood. I just read the part of Rediscovering Catholicism where Matthew Kelly profiles the lives of St. Francis of Assisi, Blessed Mother Teresa, St. John Vianney, St. Thomas More, and John Paul II, so I'm freshly encouraged right now to pursue sainthood. Specifically, reading the part of St. Vianney's story about going days without food and for several years eating only a boiled potato each day, and the graces his sacrifice of love won for his parishioners reminds me that I've sensed a nudging from God on many occasions to make some kind of ongoing food-related sacrifice.

Why food? For one, I love to eat, so it hits home. Second, learning to master our appetite for food teaches us to master our appetite for sinful and worldly things. Third, bringing these two reasons together, it's no coincidence that Christ gives himself to us eternally in the form of bread. Like Jesus proving the paralytic's sins were forgiven by healing his legs, Jesus proves that he feeds us spiritually by feeding us physically.

He feeds our bellies. The same belly that is poetically associated with gluttony and the raw ugliness of sin. Christ redeems our bellies, making the empty place in our bodies (and our hearts) his beautiful tabernacle!

So, while chillin' with Jesus in a nearby Adoration chapel, I was debating what kind of sacrifice would be materially significant without going so overboard as to doom my new-found commitment to the fate of most resolutions. Some people can give up meat entirely, but I love a succulent, medium-rare steak too much to give that up joyfully. I thought about giving up desserts entirely, but glimpsed myself in the near future at Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen with friends digging into slices of delicious cherry pie and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream cones... and me sippin' a cup of coffee pretending to have a good time. No, I can't be a fake. What kind of witness would it be if I'm gritting my teeth? Then, the eureka of a happy medium and newborn resolution popped into ye olde brain: I'll sacrifice meat and dessert/sweets for breakfast and lunch! Sweet! I mean, veggies!

That's enough to make me consciously remember my sacrifice on a daily basis, but gives me the flexibility to give thanks for that mouth-watering steak at dinner Now, the more difficult part will be the spiritual side of this resolution/penance: to give thanks at every meal with whomever I'm eating. Sacrificing a sausage biscuit or hamburger are nothing compared to sacrificing pride. Still, any small material sacrifice provides the preparation we need to make greater spiritual sacrifices.

If it sounds like I'm taking an unhealthy sense of pride in my resolution, I don't mean to. I'm actually excited at the prospect of growing more spiritually mature, though I know frustrations await along the way. That's why I'm indulging at dinner: to keep myself humble. I may be a saint by faith, but I'm a sinner by trade.

Sooo... if anyone out there in Blogland is actually reading this (you know who you are, Lindsay) then feel free to share your thoughts or link to your own blog post on the topic.

[The fans stand in silent suspense... the pitch is thrown... it's a hit! It's deep! Way back! That ball is... outta here! And the crowd goes wild!!! Cubs win!!!]

[Yes, I've got baseball on the brain. Must be the spring-like weather we've had. After all that heavy talk about sacrifice, thought we were due for a light-hearted moment. :) ]

Mixed CD

Every year I celebrate the closing days of Advent with last minute Christmas shopping that I intentionally put off until it can't be put off any longer. Not sure what it is... but I always know Christmas is coming and I know should come up with some ideas, but the creative juices remain constipated until the pressure of that looping deadline finally forces a few good ideas to pop into my head. For example, I decided to make a music mix for my 14-year-old cousin since we seem to like much of the same music and I had a $25 iTunes gift card to spend. No money out of my pocket, baby

So I went to work putting together this mix, probably investing a good three or four hours over a few nights searching for songs, throwing them into a playlist, pruning it back a bit, and finally configuring them into some kind of sensible order that will flow real pretty like. I may be a bit biased because it was my effort, but I'm a bit proud of what I came up with. It's about a half 'n half blend of Chrisitan/Catholic and secular artists and most of them have a bit of personal or spiritual meaning. Some just sound good... gotta have a little dessert with a good meal. Things get off on a crazed long-haired, Bible-thumpin' foot with...

1. Larry Norman - Jesus Freak
2. Morning State - Oh Yeah (secular indie band... I like the sound)
3. Switchfoot - Awakening
4. Chris Padgett - Golden (Padgett and Bob Rice write some pretty solid lyrics)
5. Wilco - Hate It Hear (a modern rock ballad, or so I call it)
6. Sojourn (Community Church) - What Child Is This? (very much diggin' how they produced this one... it's not boring at all)
7. Derek Webb - A Love That's Stronger Than Our Fear
8. The Whitsundays - It Must Be Me (another one that just sounds good)
9. Bob Rice - Unfinished
10. P.O.D. - Strength of My Life (Psalm 27 is one of my fave's and who doesn't heart Matisyahu?)
11. Curtis Stephan - Rescue Me
12. Larry Norman - Sweet Sweet Song of Salvation (proudly corny... it's like 80s music without the weed)
13. Sojourn - O Come O Come Emmanuel (I like the Wilco-ish sound)
14. My Morning Jacket - One Big Holiday (seems appropriate for Christmas)
15. The Priests - Hacia Belen (three Irish Catholic priests... no joke)
16. Matt Maher - Look Like a Fool
17. Ceili Rain - Long Black Cadillac
18. Jim Croce - Which Way Are You Goin'? (these last two I think make a good pair... and nothing closes out a thoughtful album like a philosphical acoustic folk song that calls out Christian hypocrisy)

So that's it... I got so into this, I had to make a Walgreen's run just to pick up more blank CD-Rs for a few more albums.

Walking Death Through a Valley of Dry Bones

I've always loved this passage from Ezekial 37. I'm sure a lot of people do, being such a powerful illustration of God's life-giving power over death. Wouldn't it be awesome to see the movie version?!

While Ezekial's vision was a metaphor for Israel's state of exile away from the Promised Land, we also personally experience times of exile when our faith feels as dry as those bones. I've been in such a valley for quite some time. In fact, at times I wonder if my Christian walk is merely a trail through one long valley. But there are moments that come to mind when I was overjoyed with God's love, even to the point of being pained during Adoration at not being able to see more of God than His revelation through faith in the Eucharist. That was probably my last "high point," when I managed to meander off this one long trail to a side trail that took me up a mountain... and what I beautiful sight!

Of course, instead of continuing along the ridge to a higher peak, I turned me right around and found that ol' familiar trail in the valley. Now I look back and I can still see that peak off in the distance and I wonder, how would life be different today if I had stayed up there?

It's difficult to imagine this is God's will for anyone to meander through a valley of dry bones for years on end. I don't think it is, but I am reassured by Ezekial's vision that until our fate is sealed forever when our mortal bodies die that our bones can never be too dry for God to bring us back to life.

There's a saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. For years, I've been hoping and expecting that holiness would magically infuse itself into my soul or that I'd somehow -- between now and when I'm 80 -- magically become a saint while living the same life. I've only grown frustrated, depressed, and even apathetic. My co-workers even noted that I seemed like "walking death" several months ago (I hope they were exaggerating, just a little?).

There is no magic formula, but one stimulus that greatly encouraged me recently was reading this in Thomas A'Kempis' Imitation of Christ:

O my brother, lose not thy confidence of making progress towards the things of the Spirit; still thou hast time, the hour is not yet past. Why wilt thou defer thy good purpose from day to day? Arise and in this very instant begin, and say, Now is the time to be doing, now is the time to be fighting, now is the fit time to be amending myself.

Thus, I committed to bi-weekly Confession. Right now I'm nearly a week overdue, but I'm going this Saturday. Yeah, I'm becoming a crazy man, but otherwise I'd go crazy.

But the thought that's occurred to me just now is I also have something to look forward to in my future on this earth. It's a near-term goal, but in December I will fly off to Chile for five weeks to learn Spanish and Hispanic Catholic ministry. What I'll do after that, I'm not yet sure, but I'm learning that without a vision that drives our passion and desire to live, we have no reason to find a way out of the valley for long. Going up to the peaks seems pointless if it's only for ourselves. True Christianity imitates Christ on the Cross: oriented outward and giving completely to God and whoever He puts in our lives.

St. Francis' prayer is true: "It is in giving that we receive."

Messin' round

Been messin' round with the old blog, thinking about getting back into the habit of blogging on some kind of regular basis. For now, I just wanted to get my feet wet foolin' around with some photo editing on this MacBook I purchased from Apple's refurb store back in March. I got some cool stickers on the back to help my plain white Mac stand out from the other Macs with the cool kids down at the coffee shop. No problems with bullying so far.

Pixelmator convinced me to pay them some money. I'm sure they deserve it, but I'm sure feeling broke these days. I've only driven to work two days in each of the last two weeks. That trend looks to be more like five days a week, what with gas prices and all.

Hence, I get to be really cool with my new goatee strollin' into the coffee shop around 7:30am on my way to the bus stop. Okay, half the time I'm running like a goofball to cross a busy street at 8:02 before the bus pulls up at 8:03. I don't look so cool then.

I guess all this should somehow tie into Franciscanism. Hmm... that's gonna be a stretch. Francis definitely did not hang out at coffee shops... not post-conversion, anyway. G.K. Chesterton? I think he would.

Which is an interesting place to arrive and quit my rambling for now. Seems I love the Franciscan ideal of poverty, forsaking every material comfort and possession for the love of God. Yet I also have some Chesterton in my veins that longs to enjoy cool evenings on the front porch sippin' a dark homebrew and puffin' a pipe. Or sippin' a cappuccino with the cool coffee shop kids while an indie acoustic song enlightens our eardrums.

I like to think that an Incarnate God affirms both ways of finding Him. Long as we trust God and recognize His Goodness is all good things, maybe the only real sin is sippin' Pabst Blue Ribbon while puffin' a Swisher Sweet.